If you have a husband who golfs, too, we share a special connection that the rest of the world just doesn’t understand. We have to share our men with someone else (yes, golf has taken on a persona in our house, and yes, it’s female).
But because golf is not actually a flesh and blood human being, we don’t get the sympathy and support that our counterparts get when their men cheat on them with other “women.” We get a few pats on the back, and sometimes an eye roll, but in general, most people don’t really get it. We spend a great deal of time griping about our husbands, and ironically, we probably spend just as much time defending our guys when other people join in our pity party and start criticizing our husbands. It’s quite the schizophrenic life.
Now, to be honest, being a golf widow is not a one-size-fits-all state of affairs (no pun intended). You might be a seasonal widow, a weekend widow, or a lifer. But no matter the degree of abandonment, we have all felt that painful realization that something out there is number one in our man’s life, whether it’s just for a day or for the duration of the marriage.
Me? I think I’ve been through all the stages.
Because my husband is the responsible type (and the frugal type), he doesn’t go out every weekend. He doesn’t skip work to golf (well, there was that one day), and he doesn’t miss holidays and family gatherings to golf (well, unless he can get a really good rate). But he does THINK about golf an awful lot. And many times, when I’m talking to him about my day, he makes involuntary golf swings, unconsciously practicing his weight shift and follow through. There have been periods in our life where he has been clinically obsessed, and others where I would describe him as mildly neurotic.
I have cried, yelled, feigned indifference, employed guilt trips, given the silent treatment, and have even tried reverse psychology by giving him carte blanche.
This blog is for women like us who need a place to commiserate, offer insight, and support one another. But let me be perfectly clear, this is not a place to bash men.
I love my husband as much today as I did when we got married more than three decades ago (more, actually). And he loves me just as much.